This is so interesting. I have read a bit about it now you explain it. It’s the always second guessing the way to be ‘normal’?
I think I connect to that to an extent but I need to think about it a little more and you can chip in you opinion as I’m very much still in the exploring stage of neurodivergence.
I know I copy accents but it feels more subconscious than intentional… I also copy writing styles in reply, I try and match the tone or vocabulary. Or is that different?
I pick up sayings or words from someone easy, a friend of mine used to say oopla when he dropped something and I still use it. Or a friend used to always say d’accord and I can still hear it in my head. But that might be more the sound of the word I like rather than trying to fit in 🤔
I think there can be lots of reasons for mirroring to be honest. I know that for me, it's been both conscious and unconscious as I've tried to learn social rules and 'fit in' better with those around me.
I've been reading a little bit about echolalia as well which can be present for some neurodivergent people and this includes things like copying accents or words/phrases that you hear from other people and sounds like it's much more of an unconscious thing.
I think it is fascinating though, there's so many variations of different things and it's so interesting to hear other people's experiences, and quite affirming too, to know that you're not alone!
Social rules is something that since getting sober has been killing me. Drinking meant I didn’t care about the rules, now I don’t have that I’m always second guessing if I got it right.
Also having married into a Spanish family, I feel like starting from scratch with social rules. I’m constantly asking my husband if that’s okay or if I’ve offended people.
I’ve seen that word echolalia around but not read this! I’m going to have a look into that. I describe my brain as mushy to such things, probably makes me a good language learner but I do think it also is noticeable that I pick up words from certain people and it’s commented on. I think sometimes I think it’s an everyone thing and then I’m told it’s a one person thing.
Thanks for sharing yours and chatting through mine. It’s very helpful to chat it through and notice things. I feel very much in a self discovery period and unpicking who I am with a new lenses. 💕
I can completely relate, I used to drink a lot to cope with social situations as well and now that I'm sober, everything feels much harder! I think it's the awareness that's difficult, I find that I question myself a lot and am hyper aware of everything going on around me.
I'm always happy to chat, that's why I started writing about things like this. Before I was diagnosed, I had no idea that there was a whole community of people who had experiences like mine! It's been life changing to realise that I'm not alone and all the things I've been experiencing are normal.
Take your time and be kind to yourself, there's often a lot to process when you're in the discovery stage but it can be exciting as well (I loved learning about everything!).
That sounds like me! The noise too is very difficult, I find I just can’t go to some bars as the acoustics is impossible. I can’t hear anyone speaking and I find the sound reverberates off everything.
I’ve found I can do events with drink if there’s a focus eg. Food or music. As then I think there’s something we have in common. But even still, I’m finding socialising much harder now I don’t drink.
I get a lot of cringe moments post drinking which is hilarious as you’d think that’d drunk antics would produce more. But being sober I don’t have an excuse for being weird.
Before I started looking into neurodivergence it was like ‘oh wait not everyone is like this’ and at the same time answered so many thing that I couldn’t explain.
Thank you ☺️ There is indeed a lot to process and take in. But as you said lots of cool stuff too!
Thanks for reading! I don't know if it's a widely used term within the autistic/ADHD community, but it's something that I recognised in myself whereby I often copy what other people are doing to try and fit in. I think it stemmed from constantly being told I was doing things the 'wrong' way as I was growing up, so to try and mitigate the feelings of not being good enough, I would copy, or mirror, other people. I've done this for as long as I can remember really so I'll mirror someone's body language, their way of speaking, I've done it with style and fashion, I'll even text back the same way that someone texts me. Obviously, all of this is absolutely exhausting so it's something I'm actively trying to stop doing now and start just being me. I think it's another way of masking essentially.
Mirroring is complicated for me. Its embarrassing to find myself mimicking the accent f the person im talking with.
Sometimes it us just their cadence and so often its their mood. Happy people make me happy and my own great mood can be shattered by a grumpy person or someone who shuts me down. I wonder am i not strong or stable enough in my own self? To be impacted by other’s voices, gestures or moods.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it's such an interesting topic, isn't it?
I'm absolutely not an expert and I imagine there are so many reasons for mirroring but I wonder if sometimes it's a way of connecting with people as well? I've read that it's sometimes a way of showing empathy, whether consciously or unconsciously. I thought that was quite an interesting way to consider it as well.
This is so beautiful — thank you for sharing so openly about your journey. I don't have ADHD but am close with many who do, so I'm always intrigued to learn more about how to best support.
I loved this bit, which is something that I lean on often as a mindfulness teacher: "Change starts with noticing and that can be hard because you’re noticing things that might bring feelings of shame. I’m now more self-compassionate and able to forgive myself for perceived failures." --> I also found it really difficult to first embrace noticing/awareness when dealing with some difficult diagnoses and behaviors in myself, but now it feels like such empowerment. The ability to change is such a beautiful thing when we're up for it, and have the support we feel we need ❤️
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, Miriam, I'm so happy that you enjoyed this.
Empowerment is such a brilliant description, that's exactly how I feel now that I've been able to do so much of the work for myself. Understanding what's going on is the first step, then you can start to be self compassionate, then there's definitely a feeling of empowerment now! Thanks so much for taking the time to read, I'm so grateful.
This is so interesting. I have read a bit about it now you explain it. It’s the always second guessing the way to be ‘normal’?
I think I connect to that to an extent but I need to think about it a little more and you can chip in you opinion as I’m very much still in the exploring stage of neurodivergence.
I know I copy accents but it feels more subconscious than intentional… I also copy writing styles in reply, I try and match the tone or vocabulary. Or is that different?
I pick up sayings or words from someone easy, a friend of mine used to say oopla when he dropped something and I still use it. Or a friend used to always say d’accord and I can still hear it in my head. But that might be more the sound of the word I like rather than trying to fit in 🤔
I’ll have to ponder it more.
I think there can be lots of reasons for mirroring to be honest. I know that for me, it's been both conscious and unconscious as I've tried to learn social rules and 'fit in' better with those around me.
I've been reading a little bit about echolalia as well which can be present for some neurodivergent people and this includes things like copying accents or words/phrases that you hear from other people and sounds like it's much more of an unconscious thing.
I think it is fascinating though, there's so many variations of different things and it's so interesting to hear other people's experiences, and quite affirming too, to know that you're not alone!
Social rules is something that since getting sober has been killing me. Drinking meant I didn’t care about the rules, now I don’t have that I’m always second guessing if I got it right.
Also having married into a Spanish family, I feel like starting from scratch with social rules. I’m constantly asking my husband if that’s okay or if I’ve offended people.
I’ve seen that word echolalia around but not read this! I’m going to have a look into that. I describe my brain as mushy to such things, probably makes me a good language learner but I do think it also is noticeable that I pick up words from certain people and it’s commented on. I think sometimes I think it’s an everyone thing and then I’m told it’s a one person thing.
Thanks for sharing yours and chatting through mine. It’s very helpful to chat it through and notice things. I feel very much in a self discovery period and unpicking who I am with a new lenses. 💕
I can completely relate, I used to drink a lot to cope with social situations as well and now that I'm sober, everything feels much harder! I think it's the awareness that's difficult, I find that I question myself a lot and am hyper aware of everything going on around me.
I'm always happy to chat, that's why I started writing about things like this. Before I was diagnosed, I had no idea that there was a whole community of people who had experiences like mine! It's been life changing to realise that I'm not alone and all the things I've been experiencing are normal.
Take your time and be kind to yourself, there's often a lot to process when you're in the discovery stage but it can be exciting as well (I loved learning about everything!).
That sounds like me! The noise too is very difficult, I find I just can’t go to some bars as the acoustics is impossible. I can’t hear anyone speaking and I find the sound reverberates off everything.
I’ve found I can do events with drink if there’s a focus eg. Food or music. As then I think there’s something we have in common. But even still, I’m finding socialising much harder now I don’t drink.
I get a lot of cringe moments post drinking which is hilarious as you’d think that’d drunk antics would produce more. But being sober I don’t have an excuse for being weird.
Before I started looking into neurodivergence it was like ‘oh wait not everyone is like this’ and at the same time answered so many thing that I couldn’t explain.
Thank you ☺️ There is indeed a lot to process and take in. But as you said lots of cool stuff too!
Thank you for sharing. It’s nice to hear what’s working. I have a question, what do you mean by mirroring? I’ve not heard of this before? 💚
Thanks for reading! I don't know if it's a widely used term within the autistic/ADHD community, but it's something that I recognised in myself whereby I often copy what other people are doing to try and fit in. I think it stemmed from constantly being told I was doing things the 'wrong' way as I was growing up, so to try and mitigate the feelings of not being good enough, I would copy, or mirror, other people. I've done this for as long as I can remember really so I'll mirror someone's body language, their way of speaking, I've done it with style and fashion, I'll even text back the same way that someone texts me. Obviously, all of this is absolutely exhausting so it's something I'm actively trying to stop doing now and start just being me. I think it's another way of masking essentially.
Mirroring is complicated for me. Its embarrassing to find myself mimicking the accent f the person im talking with.
Sometimes it us just their cadence and so often its their mood. Happy people make me happy and my own great mood can be shattered by a grumpy person or someone who shuts me down. I wonder am i not strong or stable enough in my own self? To be impacted by other’s voices, gestures or moods.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it's such an interesting topic, isn't it?
I'm absolutely not an expert and I imagine there are so many reasons for mirroring but I wonder if sometimes it's a way of connecting with people as well? I've read that it's sometimes a way of showing empathy, whether consciously or unconsciously. I thought that was quite an interesting way to consider it as well.
This is so beautiful — thank you for sharing so openly about your journey. I don't have ADHD but am close with many who do, so I'm always intrigued to learn more about how to best support.
I loved this bit, which is something that I lean on often as a mindfulness teacher: "Change starts with noticing and that can be hard because you’re noticing things that might bring feelings of shame. I’m now more self-compassionate and able to forgive myself for perceived failures." --> I also found it really difficult to first embrace noticing/awareness when dealing with some difficult diagnoses and behaviors in myself, but now it feels like such empowerment. The ability to change is such a beautiful thing when we're up for it, and have the support we feel we need ❤️
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, Miriam, I'm so happy that you enjoyed this.
Empowerment is such a brilliant description, that's exactly how I feel now that I've been able to do so much of the work for myself. Understanding what's going on is the first step, then you can start to be self compassionate, then there's definitely a feeling of empowerment now! Thanks so much for taking the time to read, I'm so grateful.