AuDHD Diaries: My trip to Spain!
My first time flying alone, a week of training and all things AuDHD
A year ago, I started training to be an ICF accredited ADHD coach with the brilliant Gold Mind Academy. One of the options we were offered as part of our training modules was a week in Spain to immerse ourselves completely in coaching in beautiful surroundings with a group of amazing ADHDers.
In less time than it took me to write that sentence, I had signed myself up!
In glorious ADHD fashion, here are just some of the things that I didn’t properly think about before I committed:
The fact I had never flown anywhere by myself before
The fact that I am very scared of flying
The fact that I am quite socially anxious
The fact that I don’t often leave the house by myself
The fact that this would be an intense, full time week and I only work part time in order to manage my energy
For many ADHDers, we perceive time differently so things are either happening ‘now’ or ‘not now’. So, all of those things were a problem for future me to figure out later.
And, about three weeks ago, I tackled them head on and set off for Spain!
I’d love to share my experience of my training week, how I found travelling as an AuDHDer and some things I learned about myself along the way.
My experience of travelling as an AuDHDer
Let’s start with my travel experience. As I mentioned, this was my first time flying by myself anywhere, ever. No pressure then.
I did as much research as I could before I booked any flights so that I could make things as easy as possible. There wasn’t a direct flight to Granada from Heathrow but I did a bit of digging (okay, I disappeared down a travel rabbit hole for the best part of a week) and found out that I could fly direct to Malaga and then get a coach from there to Granada. This seemed like a much better option than the potential alternative of having to get two flights and by all accounts, the bus journey would be beautiful with loads of amazing scenery on the way. Okay, done.
I then had to weigh up whether I wanted to book a hotel or an apartment. I chose an apartment in the end because it meant that I could cook for myself which would not only save money but also mean I could eat familiar foods. I found this absolutely gorgeous apartment in the centre of Granada, about 5 minutes from my training venue and I can confirm it was as lovely in real life as it was in the photos.
So, everything was booked and I just needed to get on the plane, get there and figure everything else out as I go.
My outbound and return journeys were very different.
I was obviously extremely nervous heading out, not really sure what to expect and really panicking about flying on my own. British Airways thought that they would make this about a thousand times worse by texting on the morning of my flight to let me know that my already early flight had been cancelled and I had been rebooked on another flight an hour earlier. Cue a VERY stressful race to the airport, trying to re-download boarding passes en route. Exactly what you want as an anxious AuDHDer. I think it’s worth saying here that I did cry all the way there and pretty much all the way until I got on the plane. I had chosen specific seats ahead of time and this had also been changed so trying to manage all these changes was really challenging and it’s something that I think people don’t realise is a big deal if they aren’t autistic or ADHD.
I was wearing my Hidden Disabilities sunflower lanyard, however no one at Heathrow directed me to the accessible options or even acknowledged it until I was actually on the flight. On the flight, a lovely member of the crew came and checked I was okay and let me know I could ask for anything I needed at any time. Which made me cry again.
I arrived safely at Malaga airport and managed to find the bus stop I needed for my ongoing coach. There was a list of coach times on the bus stop and none of them matched what I had on my ticket so I was a bit confused but thought that maybe they had been updated since I’d booked or something.
When the coach came, I realised I had booked the wrong ticket. Because of course I had! This was such a classic example of ADHD in action. I was so sure that I’d researched everything properly and taken the time to book everything carefully and I’d still made a mistake. I’d accidentally booked to travel from Malaga city centre instead of Malaga airport. I will be forever grateful for the extremely lovely bus driver who let me on anyway and was so kind.
Once on the bus though, I realised my research had paid off as the journey was stunning. Winding roads through the Spanish mountains with streams, pink flowers and goats everywhere! It really was gorgeous. I’m sorry I don’t have any pictures to share, I was just so grateful that I’d made it at this point, I wasn’t really thinking about anything else!
I had tried to think about accommodating myself as much as possible while I was travelling and when I arrived. So, I took my Loops and noise cancelling headphones and I listened to my favourite podcast, The Moth on the flight which really helped to keep me calm (especially on the way there!).
I also took a pillow case from home so that I had something familiar to sleep on. I use silk pillow cases (I like the texture and they’re also good for your hair!) I hate travelling with lots of luggage but if I was in the UK, I’d probably have also taken my own pillow.
As soon as I arrived, I went to the local supermarket (which I’d walked to numerous times on Google Maps so I knew the way!) and bought food for the week. Obviously, this was mainly chicken nuggets. I also made sure I had my favourite oat milk for coffee and I’d brought my own large resuable cup so this was familiar too (and saved money again as I filled it up before I left each morning rather than buying a coffee).
All of this helped to keep me as regulated as possible in a new situation, a new country and where I didn’t have any of my usual routines or people (or dog!) to support me.
When it was time to come home, my return journey couldn’t have been more different than the outbound journey.
I double checked my coach ticket and realised that the return journey was also booked to go to Malaga centre instead of the airport, so I changed this and booked for a slightly earlier time just in case we had any flight changes. Doing the journey the other way, and spending the first couple of hours travelling through the mountains meant that I was much more relaxed when I got to the airport.
When I arrived at Malaga airport, I headed towards security but someone called over to me, pointed at my lanyard and directed me to an accessible security point which was at the far end of the airport and really quiet.
The same thing happened at the gate, someone came and made sure that I boarded in the first group. This was such a different experience and made me feel much calmer and safer. I also didn’t need to ask for anything at all, all of the staff at Malaga airport were amazing. This was such an affirming experience and made me feel much more confident about travelling outside the UK again.
My training week
I didn’t really know what to expect from the training week itself. I knew I would be doing a lot of coaching and learning new things which I was excited about.
One thing I didn’t think about and I have no idea why because it is SO obvious, is how much I would be coached. Having a coaching session for an hour a week and then having time to process and try new things is brilliant. Being coached multiple times a day in a short space of time is exhausting! I think everyone on the course did so well as we were all desperately trying to think of new things to talk about all week so that everyone could get as much coaching practice as possible.
One thing that I discovered about myself during this week is that my body now knows when I’m struggling before I do. On the first day, I was feeling a little anxious but generally okay about being somewhere new and now that I’d met everyone on the course, that took some of those initial nerves away, However, on day two, my body took over and I couldn’t stop crying. For the whole morning. But in a weird way, there was so much freedom in it. It was obviously a delayed physical response to all of the travelling, opening myself up to learning new things, meeting new people, finding a new routine and being alone in a new place.
I think if that had happened a year ago, I would have been so embarrassed that I’d have left and been on the next flight home. But I just sat with it surrounded by people who never judged me, just quietly sat with me and made sure I was sufficiently provided with tissues. And there’s something really special about that. I’m starting to lean into my autistic traits more and actually feeling my emotions is something that I have really struggled with in the past. Now that I’ve done so much work on myself, it’s a part of me that’s just there now and I was happy that I was in a safe space to acknowledge that.
The week itself was really tiring but it was also challenging and affirming and amazing. I knew that I was going to have to manage my energy really carefully as I usually work around 20 hours each week and this was nearly 40 hours over the whole week. We were invited to do some touristy things during the week but I had to be realistic about what I could manage. As much as I wanted to experience Granada and make the most of being there, I knew that I had to conserve my spoons and so I went to training then came back to the apartment each night where I ate my familiar foods and watched something comforting. I saved just enough energy for the last night where we went to a traditional Flamenco show and a celebratory meal at a gorgeous restaurant overlooking the city (where I took the first photo).
On the last day, we were asked to share some reflections about our week. I was so exhausted that I was struggling to speak and writing prose felt impossible, but I tapped into another part of myself and was able to write this poem which I’d love to share with you too.
Reflections
In the quiet of a morning, a circle of new faces
Anticipation in the air of wandering to new places
The hum of learning, the spark of new ideas
Here in this challenge, I’m facing my fears
I open my wings and get ready for flight
Anchoring knowledge, deciding what’s right
Asking questions and refraining from guidance
Holding the space and embracing the silence
Choosing each path, finding strength in my voice
Clearing space in each moment for clarity and choice
I draw on strengths of kindness and hope
And pause in times where I’ve struggled to cope
As we the finish the week, new friendships made
The nervous beginnings play to a fade
As I rewrite the verses and hear a new song
And come back to myself, and I know I belong.
Things I learned about myself on the trip
I absolutely CAN do things that I thought would be impossible
I’m so proud of who I am as an autistic ADHDer
I have more autistic needs than I thought but I am much more confident to ask for what I need now, and have those needs met
Meeting other AuDHDers who understand you and connect with you is beyond special
Listening to my body is so important to help me understand my needs
Sometimes what you want to do, and what you need to do will be different and compromising to keep yourself regulated is completely okay
Learning new things or even just doing new things can feel really daunting but it’s also so exciting!
This was a long one so if you made it this far, thank you!
I’ll be back next time with a new free mini guide, this time it’s all about finding joy in your work.
Sending love as always,
Allie x
I'm so proud of you, Allie. Not only did you face all of the various challenges, but you also were able to reflect and share insights and your learnings with us in a beautiful way. For those of us who are also neurodivergent, we can see ourselves in your story. We get the courage it took to do the entire trip. And, you did it! How wonderful that you have so many more embodied insights about your self, how your body reacts in stressful situations, and the knowledge that you can face them all. I'm sure this entire trip will make you an even more awesome coach--as you'll be able to even more empathize with your clients and provide helpful tools and insights for them. Thanks for another great post.
Hi Allie! 😭 Each time you post your writing, it touches me deeply and I feel seen, validated, and encouraged in a way I didn’t know was possible.
I don’t have an official diagnosis for any of the conditions I struggle with (ptsd, anxiety, AuDHD), but I was wondering if you have to state what your condition is when wearing a hidden disability lanyard or if wearing the lanyard alone is acceptable.
I’m based in Hawai‘i and haven’t found any local resources for females self-diagnosed AuDHD later in life. When you are ready to take clients for coaching I would love to sign up if it is within my financial means!